Online in Scottsdale & Across Az & CA
Healing from narcissistic abuse.
You are not who they made you out to be. Discover the real you.
It’s hard to know where your people-pleasing ends and your real self begins.
You care deeply about the people in your life, but you feel utterly burnt out and unsure how long you can keep going like this.
When you really think about it, you have a hard time…
-
…feels like burdening others-so you often hold back, never allowing yourself to be fully known. When people around you are upset, you assume it must be your fault and rush to help. You expect everything to be your fault until proven otherwise and can’t help but imagine every worst-case scenario when you step outside.
-
…feels uncomfortable, and you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Deep down, you never expect to be believed, and the concept of a “sense of self” feels like a mystery. Having to say no to someone can send you into a spiral of panic and over-explaining.
-
…feels hard to accept, as though it’s not meant for you, and there’s a constant fear that others are secretly angry at you. You apologize countless times a day. After social interactions you overthink your behavior for hours, replaying moments on a loop and finding flaws in everything you did or said.
-
There’s a lingering feeling that you’re never quite good enough. Intimate relationships feel tricky and you’re wondering why you keep missing red flags. You often wonder, “What do normal people do in relationships?”
-
Your body echoes this silent struggle with chronic pain, stomach upset, and other autoimmune symptoms. You hesitate to seek medical care, downplaying your pain with “It’s probably nothing”-all while feeling sorry for the doctor who has to deal with you.
Also offering therapy for adults raised by narcissists.
If you repeatedly find yourself drawn to individuals with narcissistic traits, it’s possible you learned this in childhood. Living under the constant strain of having to predict, avoid, and cope with an emotionally unavailable caregiver can haunt our adult lives. We can adapt my three step process to make sense of your childhood and affirm your purpose in adulthood. Let’s find the unspoken messages communicated by this parent and equip you with the skills and resources to expertly interact with them-if you choose to.
-
You knew every family member by the sound of their footsteps. You could detect what mood they were in, just by listening to them walk in the other room. You kept odd hours to avoid others, speaking and moving quietly to avoid drawing attention. You slipped out of your room only after everyone was asleep, so as not to disturb anyone.
Nights became your sanctuary, the only time you felt free. Nothing was ever truly yours and any form of self-expression could provoke their rage. Your very existence was treated as an inconvenience. You were told children should be seen and not heard, so you swallowed your true thoughts constantly. You may have silently developed habits like grinding your teeth, biting your nails, or picking at your skin to cope.
At home you were valued for what you did, not who you were, and harsh punishment was common. You were pushed to present a perfect image to the world. Appearances were everything, but behind closed doors, any attempt to speak the truth about the dysfunction was met with brutal attack. Maybe you had a parent who was willing to help you at times, but they made sure you knew it was an inconvenience. You were given responsibilities far beyond your years, maybe even acting as a therapist to your parents.
Most everyone played along, ignoring reality out of self-preservation; shielding the abuser from becoming upset in order to keep the fake peace. This dynamic felt akin to a cult hidden in plain sight. Any person who dared to challenge the facade was cast out. An extrovert by necessity, you spent as many nights as you could at friends’ houses.
You watched the rest of the family stand by in willful ignorance so as not to be the focus of their wrath. In a family that revolved around the whims of a narcissistic parent, the cycle continued: speak out and be targeted, remain silent and be complicit.
You want to believe that life can be more than failed relationships, people pleasing, and self-blame. You’re ready to stop saying “I’m sorry” and live a meaningful life-on your own terms. You’re ready to process your past, but it’s hard to explain yourself to others.
How can they understand a thousand tiny pricks over decades-the kind that don’t leave visible marks?
Your needs matter.
If you’re convinced that your very presence could be “too much”-you may have trauma from narcissistic abuse. Trauma isn’t just life-threatening events or physical injuries. It also includes the little experiences that add up over time, overwhelming our ability to cope and threatening our sense of safety and worth. This kind of invisible trauma is real, and we can treat it in therapy. I want to work on this with you…
…because you matter.
It takes courage to even consider therapy, especially for pain caused by someone we cared about.
Therapy with me will never involve assigning labels or placing blame. Your feelings and needs are my primary focus as we go through these three steps:
identify the lie(s).
Unspoken messages (like 'I’m not good enough' or 'My needs don’t matter') were likely reinforced for you over many years. You don’t need to remember every incident for us to process the trauma and debunk the lies you were taught to believe about yourself.
01
Become an expert.
People with narcissistic traits will switch between deflection, attack, niceness, and gaslighting. They might show one face publicly and another privately. Become an expert in recognizing these shifts so you can manage interactions confidently.
02
Consume the truth.
Together we will choose media sources, such as podcasts, videos, forums, and images, that reinforce the breakthroughs you make in our sessions.
03
Through this work I hope to reunite you with yourself and give you the tools to feel worthy, no matter what life brings.
Therapy for narcissistic abuse can help you:
-
Recognize and grieve your past hurts, possibly for the first time. You can begin reclaiming the parts of yourself that had to stay hidden to avoid conflict, punishment, or rejection.
-
Dismantle your habit of assuming things are your fault. You can begin treating yourself as well as you treat others.
-
Discover exactly where people-pleasing ends and your true self begins. With this clarity you can feel confident setting boundaries and saying “no”-without guilt or fear.
-
Challenge the feeling of being a perpetual disappointment. You can begin seeing yourself as valuable, regardless of others’ validation.
-
Recognize and grieve your past hurts, possibly for the first time. You can begin reclaiming the parts of yourself that had to stay hidden to avoid conflict, punishment, or rejection.
-
Dismantle your habit of assuming things are your fault. You can begin treating yourself as well as you treat others.
-
Discover exactly where people-pleasing ends and your true self begins. With this clarity you can feel confident setting boundaries and saying “no”-without guilt or fear.
-
Challenge the feeling of being a perpetual disappointment. You can begin seeing yourself as valuable, regardless of others’ validation.
-
Learn what’s “normal” and healthy in relationships. Here you can break the patterns that have led you into abusive or one-sided dynamics. Identify red flags, foster trust, and cultivate authentic connection.
-
Peel back years of survival-focused behavior to find out who you truly are, what you enjoy, and what you value.
-
Address the physical symptoms tied to chronic stress and suppressing your true feelings. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin and stop living in “survival mode”.
-
Become more comfortable with receiving care and kindness. You can learn to accept help, compliments, and expressions of love without skepticism or self-doubt.
Imagine feeling good enough, no matter what life brings.
FAQS
Frequently asked questions about therapy for narcissistic abuse.
-
The DSM-5 recognizes narcissism as a type of personality disorder, with no official sub-types. However, mental health professionals unofficially recognize the following Eight Types of Narcissists.
Covert-caring for others while neglecting their own family
Malignant-willing to exploit others, no remorse, willing to break the law
Grandiose-the traditional narcissist as described in the DSM-5
Vulnerable-the ‘woe is me’, passive aggressive, resentful type
Entitled-wanting special treatment always, even if this hurts others
Benign-childlike, only discussing themselves, little empathy for or awareness of others
Neglectful-will ignore you until they want something from you
Generational/Cultural-often a family elder, accommodated by the entire family, given a pass because ‘they’re from a different time’
Individuals with narcissistic personality traits will often switch between the above styles as needed. They will also shift depending on if they are at home or in public. For this reason, I am passionate about helping my clients spot all unhealthy behaviors and develop strategies to avoid getting sucked into the never-ending cycle of the narcissist.
-
A person doesn’t need to meet the full criteria for narcissism to have inadvertently caused trauma. Narcissistic traits, even in the absence of a formal diagnosis, can still be deeply impactful. My focus will be on your healing- regardless of who or what is in your past. goes here
-
I will never insist that you end a relationship with someone exhibiting narcissistic behavior. This is a deeply personal decision that belongs to you alone. Whatever you decide, we will develop a plan to keep you physically and emotionally protected. Therapy with me often involves learning to manage the narcissist WHILE you heal from the narcissistic abuse.
-
Fear of burdening others with your own needs or wants.
Assuming responsibility for others’ emotions and rushing to help.
Automatically blaming yourself and expecting the worst-case scenario.
Discomfort with compliments or praise.
Feeling unclear on who you are or what you want.
Anxiety about saying no, leading to panic and over-explaining.
Difficulty accepting love, with a constant fear of being abandoned.
Frequent apologizing and overthinking social interactions.
Feeling chronically inadequate and unsure in relationships.
Physical symptoms like chronic pain, stomach issues, and hesitancy to seek medical care.
-
Self-Centered: Focuses primarily on their own needs, desires, and image.
Manipulative: Uses guilt, shame, or fear to control their child’s behavior.
Lack of Empathy: Struggles to understand or acknowledge their child's feelings.
Conditional Love: Gives affection based on the child meeting their expectations.
Need for Control: Interferes with the child’s choices, often micromanaging or disregarding boundaries.
Gaslighting: Denies or distorts reality to make the child doubt their perceptions.
Envious and Competitive: Feels threatened by the child’s accomplishments or independence.
Belittling or Criticizing: Dismisses or invalidates the child’s achievements, making them feel inadequate.
Seeks Praise and Attention: Expects admiration and gratitude from the child without reciprocating.
Image-Conscious: Cares deeply about how the family appears to others, often forcing the child to play a role.
Lacks Accountability: Refuses to accept responsibility, blaming the child for issues instead.
Discourages Independence: Sabotages the child’s autonomy to keep them dependent.